Posts

- But Not Those kids

Image
I am thankful that my social media posts and blogging have led to an influx of interest in foster care from my friends and followers. The conversations have been so enriching and the range of families has been so encouraging. #anyonecanfosterHowever, there are two groups that are often noted as those kids that people don't want to welcome into their homes: the sexually abused and teenagers. The crazier part is that all of us, adults, have been teens and many of us have been sexually abused ourselves... though we act as if we have forgotten.
This is obviously unfortunate for so many reasons, but I thought I'd share some truth about my experiences and thoughts about children that fall into these categories. 

Children who have been sexually abused Think about a time when someone has wronged you, made you feel inferior, or broke you down. Now imagine being rejected because that was done to you. Crazy, huh? Children in care experience this all the time. Caseworkers call for placement…

No Red Capes

Image
This is my third time attempting this blog. Let's start with a little background information so that the latter will make sense. In October of 2019, we decided to take a placement of a 2-year-old boy who had various physical and cognitive needs simply because he was the brother of our current [foster] daughter. We are licensed for traditional foster care, because my husband and I both work very demanding jobs. Despite our reservations and uncertainty, we decided to try and see if we could make it work.  - December 2019: Screams of “MAAA-MAAA” fled from the room down the hall. I nudged my husband several times for him to go see what was up with Brother. About 10 seconds later, I hear my husband, DJ, roar “ARGH! There’s sh*t everywhere!” I hesitated but threw my robe on tiptoeing down the hall to see my toddler standing in his crib, hands covered in gooey brown while wearing no diaper. It was probably the grossest thing I’ve ever seen.
That night we debriefed over the events that follo…

Mother's Day: One of the most awkward days of the year

Image
*I am not speaking for all foster moms. This is only my perspective. 


Tomorrow will be my second Mother's Day. Both years have been spent with foster kiddos and my husband soaking up their sweet celebratory actions. However, I can't help but feel awkward each year when the holiday rolls around.

First, I never know how to respond at the grocery store during mother's day weekend when kind people ask before handing you a rose "Are you a mom?" I kind of just shrug my shoulders or if I have children with me, I give a mumbled "yes" before quickly passing.

Secondly, I never know what to expect of my children. Last year, I had a toddler in my home and he didn't know much about Mother's Day at all. However, this year its different. One of my children is very aware that she won't be spending Mother's Day with her mom. I am always diligent about making time to make a craft or buy a gift with my children for their mothers to help them to acknowledge…

Diary of A Trash Parent

Image
When DJ and I tell people that we do foster care, they usually smile and with a tone laced with pity say one of the following:
"That's so great!""Such a noble thing to do...""You guys are so awesome!""Oh, wow!" "Really?! You guys are saints!""Those kids are really blessed to have you all.""I couldn't do that. Good for you guys."And my favorite (not really), "Wow. I could never do that!"
BUT, let me tell you how wrong ya'll are! We trash. PERIOD. 
I'm not sure why people think that we are some kind of special branch of exceptionally kind people who want to foster and adopt all the children in the world that don't have parents. That ain't us sis. We are regular smegular people who happen to be foster parents. 
I'm going to attempt to give you a glimpse of the Real Life of Foster Parenting. 
1. I'm tired.  Between this revolving door of kids coming and going and the everyday cha…

Gone Gone

Image
Last Tuesday was a day that we had been dreading for a while. It was the day that Little Buddy, who had been with us almost 6 months, moved away to reunite with his brother and be cared for by a relative.

Leading up to his moving day, I had been busy moving into a new house, packing his things away, and even preparing for another (last minute, unexpected) placement. In all the busy-ness, I had no time to fully process that Little Buddy was leaving me, for real for real. I saw my husband take moments to pause and reflect, but I had no time for that.

Like any "normal day", I picked Little Buddy up from daycare with a graham cracker snack in hand, played Baby Shark in the car on the way to meet up with my husband at home so that we could load his things in the car.

We did those things and welcomed Princess T, our new placement, before the drop off. [Side note: I was super grateful that we got the opportunity to drop him off, see his new home, and say good-bye as opposed to the…

ATTACHED

Image
One of the comments I get most is some variation of "I can't do foster care because I would get too attached." 

I have had a couple of transitions this year with foster care: the transfer of a 5 year old boy to a more restrictive environment and the run away of a 15 year old boy. With both, I was saddened, not only because they left, but because I could no longer help them.

Right now, it's Saturday night and I'm sitting on the bathroom floor while my almost 2 year old foster son is splashing away in the tub, water escaping the porcelain side walls. It's amazes me that he can play so freely, seemingly without any cares in the world. Sometimes I wonder if he knows that he is somewhere else besides home. In these short 7 weeks, he started identifying my husband and I as "Ma-Mo" and "Da-Da", surrendered to a daily routine, prefers my rocking him to sleep, and most importantly he's taken a large portion of the space in my heart. He feels l…

You are my son. | I am not your mommy.

Image
Foster care makes you do this crazy dance of raising, supporting, and nurturing a child who you'll grow to love as your own, all the while watching them grieve the loss of having their actual mom.
____
DJ and I got a call about our foster son in August right after school had started. I became the Special Ed Coordinator at a new school that came with new challenges and DJ started a small business and already had a taxing workload. Not to mention we had just crossed 1 full year of marriage. Perfect timing, right? 
We didn't have any other kids at the time, so we said "yes" and greeted our not-so-happy to be moving again teenager with open arms. He settled in fine, was/is super quiet, and actually fit quite nicely into our too routine lifestyle. 
One of the first interesting conversations with T happened the following Sunday on the way to church. DJ: "When we get to church, people are going to greet you and they might know you are our foster son because we are fos…